You Couldn't Have Known (yesterday's horror story)
(For those of you who don't know Ronnie and I are in Austin. Our neighbor shot Karlie's dog. I'm still trying to come to terms with it.)
"I killed him. Shot 'em." Those were the words you spoke to my daughter when she knocked on your door, worried and sad, with the hope that you had seen her dog.
I cried for hours yesterday on a day that was supposed to be one of the funniest days of my life. I was getting to meet Robin Williams. Ronnie and I were putting cancer away for just an evening. Instead, I haven't slept a wink. I wondered how a grown man could be so evil to a young girl. It was then that I realized that I know nothing about you. For most of the year, you don't live next door and are somewhere else. So many things you couldn't have known.
You couldn't have known that Karlie's horse Jet died several years ago and that everyone worried about how she would deal with the loss. You couldn't have known of her bargain with God.
"That for days Karlie hadn't talked about Jet at all. I was getting worried that she wasn't coping and layed down with her last night to talk. She said that on her birthday she had made a wish - and said a prayer - that God could take anything she had (not human) if He would make me better. This, in her eyes, is bargain sealed. I told her that we can't bargain with God.....it doesn't work that way. Her reply to me was that I tell people every day that hope comes from within and what we believe and live lies within our hearts...and that I can't take that away from her any more than anyone else can."
You couldn't have known that one day much later she picked up the paper and there was Sam, a beautiful red Australian shepherd who needed a home. The pound was closed for the holidays so Karlie clipped the picture and pinned it to her door. She dreamed about him. We brought him home and he became her best friend. Two years ago he was hit by a car in our driveway. His death left a gaping hole. I was afraid that it might be a scar that would not heal. There would never be another Sam but as time passed Karlie began to comb the pound herself for a new companion. I started looking, too, for another rescue. Several months later I found an Australian shepherd that sounded like he might fit the bill. He was hours away. We loaded up the car to see if this would be a match. It wasn't, but Maxx was there. He was huge! I was reluctant but Ronnie, Katie, and Karlie were convinced that he was the one. You couldn't have known that Ronnie and Karlie picked the very same name at the very same time. Or of how she smiled when we folded up the back seat and he rode with Karlie all the way home.
You couldn't have known that Maxx had been abused in his past or that for the first few weeks every noise terrified him. Simply raising your arm would make him cower. You couldn't have known that our pomeranian, all of three pounds, could chase him around the house, that he was scared of the kitten, or that thunder made him whimper. You couldn't have known that Karlie had her prom pictures taken with him her Junior year. They jogged together all summer long. When I had chemo he and PJ were my companions. He loved treats, but mostly he loved Karlie. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. My niece came to stay and was scared and sad without her dad. Max snuggled up to her. For Halloween, she was Little Red Riding Hood and he was The Big Bad Wolf.
You couldn't have known that Karlie does her homework with Maxx or that they read her books together, play on the computer together, sit out on the hay bales, hike, fish, and sleep together. Perhaps you didn't even know that your grandchildren, who adore Karlie, loved Max too. You had no way of knowing that last year's prom and graduation pictures were taken with Maxx, that he was in our family photo in a magazine article, or that he brought greatness to our lives. When Karlie's friend died last year the day before she graduated, she couldn't talk to a single soul, but Maxx was there to hear her cry and absorb her tears. When she got her new car, Maxx was the first to ride with the top down - ears blowing and tongue dragging. You couldn't have known that our week was hard or what Karlie had heard my doctor say. That instead of leaving the hospital and watching a movie, we talked of the what ifs and what mays and then she went for a drive with Maxx by her side. And at the end of that day - just two days ago - when I went to say goodnight, it was with Maxx that I heard her share.
You couldn't have known how our day began. Or that Maxx had come to the table and rested his head on my knee. That I had rubbed his ears and sent up a prayer, "Thank you, God, for letting Maxx be here.
You couldn’t have known of Karlie's frantic calls when he couldn’t be found. Or that we wouldn't be home. You couldn’t have known that a friend checked all around to make sure she wouldn’t be the one to find him if he was hurt.
I can't imagine what Maxx may have done. Whether he dug in your yard or scattered the trash, he shouldn't have been there. That was our fault and we are responsible. But we are all responsible for treating each other with decency and you, too, had responsibility. You knew he was ours and given the benefit if not, his collar was there. On it she wrote, "I'm loved by Karlie, my name is Maxx. If you find me, I'm lost please call." Instead you allowed us to wonder and worry and then without remorse you broke a little girl's heart. At first I was angry. I'm still dismayed. I prayed for my daughter through the night. I prayed for my family and for our Maxx. Then I remembered the sign at the church at our turn and on it the words "Your life is shorter than you think." Those words have followed me all week. I wish they weren’t true. I want to stay mad. I want you to feel what you have taken away. I don’t have that luxury. None of us really do. I was reminded through my tears that "Our pain is not wasted." Our hearts are where they should be and as young as my children are, they are wiser in their ages than even very old souls. Cancer has helped us to Live STRONG. We will step through this pain and as we do we will carry you in our hearts.... and grow from the pain you have inflicted. We will surround you with hope that you are someday granted peace from the evil and meanness that haunt you. Through our broken hearts, we will pray that yours is healed - and that, you couldn't have known.
"I killed him. Shot 'em." Those were the words you spoke to my daughter when she knocked on your door, worried and sad, with the hope that you had seen her dog.
I cried for hours yesterday on a day that was supposed to be one of the funniest days of my life. I was getting to meet Robin Williams. Ronnie and I were putting cancer away for just an evening. Instead, I haven't slept a wink. I wondered how a grown man could be so evil to a young girl. It was then that I realized that I know nothing about you. For most of the year, you don't live next door and are somewhere else. So many things you couldn't have known.
You couldn't have known that Karlie's horse Jet died several years ago and that everyone worried about how she would deal with the loss. You couldn't have known of her bargain with God.
"That for days Karlie hadn't talked about Jet at all. I was getting worried that she wasn't coping and layed down with her last night to talk. She said that on her birthday she had made a wish - and said a prayer - that God could take anything she had (not human) if He would make me better. This, in her eyes, is bargain sealed. I told her that we can't bargain with God.....it doesn't work that way. Her reply to me was that I tell people every day that hope comes from within and what we believe and live lies within our hearts...and that I can't take that away from her any more than anyone else can."
You couldn't have known that one day much later she picked up the paper and there was Sam, a beautiful red Australian shepherd who needed a home. The pound was closed for the holidays so Karlie clipped the picture and pinned it to her door. She dreamed about him. We brought him home and he became her best friend. Two years ago he was hit by a car in our driveway. His death left a gaping hole. I was afraid that it might be a scar that would not heal. There would never be another Sam but as time passed Karlie began to comb the pound herself for a new companion. I started looking, too, for another rescue. Several months later I found an Australian shepherd that sounded like he might fit the bill. He was hours away. We loaded up the car to see if this would be a match. It wasn't, but Maxx was there. He was huge! I was reluctant but Ronnie, Katie, and Karlie were convinced that he was the one. You couldn't have known that Ronnie and Karlie picked the very same name at the very same time. Or of how she smiled when we folded up the back seat and he rode with Karlie all the way home.
You couldn't have known that Maxx had been abused in his past or that for the first few weeks every noise terrified him. Simply raising your arm would make him cower. You couldn't have known that our pomeranian, all of three pounds, could chase him around the house, that he was scared of the kitten, or that thunder made him whimper. You couldn't have known that Karlie had her prom pictures taken with him her Junior year. They jogged together all summer long. When I had chemo he and PJ were my companions. He loved treats, but mostly he loved Karlie. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. My niece came to stay and was scared and sad without her dad. Max snuggled up to her. For Halloween, she was Little Red Riding Hood and he was The Big Bad Wolf.
You couldn't have known that Karlie does her homework with Maxx or that they read her books together, play on the computer together, sit out on the hay bales, hike, fish, and sleep together. Perhaps you didn't even know that your grandchildren, who adore Karlie, loved Max too. You had no way of knowing that last year's prom and graduation pictures were taken with Maxx, that he was in our family photo in a magazine article, or that he brought greatness to our lives. When Karlie's friend died last year the day before she graduated, she couldn't talk to a single soul, but Maxx was there to hear her cry and absorb her tears. When she got her new car, Maxx was the first to ride with the top down - ears blowing and tongue dragging. You couldn't have known that our week was hard or what Karlie had heard my doctor say. That instead of leaving the hospital and watching a movie, we talked of the what ifs and what mays and then she went for a drive with Maxx by her side. And at the end of that day - just two days ago - when I went to say goodnight, it was with Maxx that I heard her share.
You couldn't have known how our day began. Or that Maxx had come to the table and rested his head on my knee. That I had rubbed his ears and sent up a prayer, "Thank you, God, for letting Maxx be here.
You couldn’t have known of Karlie's frantic calls when he couldn’t be found. Or that we wouldn't be home. You couldn’t have known that a friend checked all around to make sure she wouldn’t be the one to find him if he was hurt.
I can't imagine what Maxx may have done. Whether he dug in your yard or scattered the trash, he shouldn't have been there. That was our fault and we are responsible. But we are all responsible for treating each other with decency and you, too, had responsibility. You knew he was ours and given the benefit if not, his collar was there. On it she wrote, "I'm loved by Karlie, my name is Maxx. If you find me, I'm lost please call." Instead you allowed us to wonder and worry and then without remorse you broke a little girl's heart. At first I was angry. I'm still dismayed. I prayed for my daughter through the night. I prayed for my family and for our Maxx. Then I remembered the sign at the church at our turn and on it the words "Your life is shorter than you think." Those words have followed me all week. I wish they weren’t true. I want to stay mad. I want you to feel what you have taken away. I don’t have that luxury. None of us really do. I was reminded through my tears that "Our pain is not wasted." Our hearts are where they should be and as young as my children are, they are wiser in their ages than even very old souls. Cancer has helped us to Live STRONG. We will step through this pain and as we do we will carry you in our hearts.... and grow from the pain you have inflicted. We will surround you with hope that you are someday granted peace from the evil and meanness that haunt you. Through our broken hearts, we will pray that yours is healed - and that, you couldn't have known.
Comment
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Comment by justice4babyboy on March 8, 2009 at 5:46pm - i would have to do something & contact local police,what he done was a crime justr look at the store justice4karley in Cal. & justice4babyboy my story dont let this man do this anymore
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Comment by justice4babyboy on March 8, 2009 at 5:43pm
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Your a stronger lady than me,i am tore to pieces because of the death of my dog
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Comment by Jane Ali on February 20, 2009 at 5:41pm -
Suzanne,
I'm sitting here crying for your loss. I'm so sorry! Thank you for sharing this story. You are such a blessing to so many people and for you to forgive is wondeful. I do hope your neighbor's heart is touched by all of this. Hugs to you and Karlie.
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Comment by A.J. Ali on February 20, 2009 at 3:08pm -
Dear Suzanne, I am so sorry for your family's loss. One more thing your neighbor could not have known is just how much love you are spreading around the world (literally) through your friendships here and on other sites and in "real" life. I do believe in God and I believe that if you do continue to dwell in that place of love, forgiveness and hope that God will bless you for it. I am praying for you to have peace and understanding. I'm praying for Karlie to be healed emotionally and that the pain she feels does not turn to bitterness. I'm also praying that your neighbor find something in his heart that will make him seek to make things right. I agree fully with what Pam said earlier today. There is evil in this world that does unspeakable things. But on the flip side, there is also a loving God, who loves you and your family and I pray that it is that love that you reach out for because with it will come a peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray for that peace to embrace your household and for love to continue to flow from your heart.
My best,
A.J.
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Comment by lak1 on February 20, 2009 at 1:27pm - Suzanne, I hate this guy. I can not understand the guns in Texas we are just not allowed to have them in residential areas in the UK . Saying that their are still bad people in this world. My cat has 2 air gun pellets in his shoulder. Your neighbour must have known whose dog he was shooting. We live in a rural area and dogs worrying sheep is a problem. People do not realise that a farmer may well know each of his sheep the same as a dog. However the bleakness your daughter must feel is too much. I do not believe in a god but their is evil in this world. Hug to you and your daughter ......
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Comment by Pam Schmid on February 20, 2009 at 11:12am - Oh, Suzanne. Through my tears, I can hardly write. There IS evil in this world, and it is so hard to understand sometimes. I think you captured the essence of those that do harm: "...the evil and meanness that haunt you." They are not happy, hopeful people. I hope you and your family are granted peace today and that you feel the love that surrounds you all. Love, Pam
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Comment by Marilon on February 20, 2009 at 10:46am - Even though it's sad, this is beautiful! I am afraid it would take me a lot longer than this to even start to forgive this guy. You are amazing. Hugs to you and to Karlie....
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